Thursday, July 10, 2014

Swiss Summer Camp

I'm OVER it. They've been home for 13 days.  Thirteen. Maybe it's just the number.  In any case, I'm working on a series of summer camps. Beware teens and tweens.

The undated and revised...

SWISS FINISHING SCHOOL

1. BEDDING BASICS  This course will include visuals, handouts, and practical experience. Participants will leave with a complete understanding of how to change sheets, make a bed, and how to remove themselves from said bed prior to 1:00pm.  Bonus material to include REMOVING FOOD AND INK STAINS FROM BEDDING.

2.COOKING.  It's not just for Mom's!  Participants will learn how to scramble an egg and make toast.  Advanced learners may also opt for the 'Focus on French' course including French Fries and  French Toast.   Bonus material to include LOADING THE DISHWASHER.

3. SHOWERING.  We will cover correct amounts of shampoo, conditioner, and soap to apply to one's body and will customize the length of a proper shower based on age and gender.  Bonus material to include:  REPLACING THE TOILET PAPER ROLL.

4. GETTING ALONG.  This day will be full of exercises designed to encourage respect for others and respect for the property of others.  Bonus material to include:  FIRST AID and WHEN TO APPLY ICE.

5. CLEANING.  This will introduce participants to a non-toxic, child friendly method of cleaning guaranteed to please adults. Bonus material to include:  HOW TO CHANGE THE VACUUM CLEANER BAG.

6. PETS.  Participants will be more familiar with the pet they begged for. We will be begin with re-introductions and a course on pet needs including food, water, and exercise.  Bonus material to include:  THE POOPER SCOOPER.

7.  SHOPPING.  A series of field trips will be planned to local markets.  We will visit a local farmer's market, butcher, and a bakery.  Individuals will learn how to select ripe fruit, fresh milk, and local breads.  Bonus material to include:  COUNTING CHANGE AND BRINGING IT BACK TO YOUR MOTHER.

8.  ENTERTAINMENT. An introduction to local attractions.  Focus will be on historical, athletic, and free attractions.  Bonus material to include:  YOUR OWN LIBRARY CARD!

The last two days of summer camp will be devoted to Culinary pursuits, Ironing, Proper Care of Board Games, Speed Sock Matching, and How To Efficiently Unload the Dishwasher.  Participants are limited to 3 in each course. Please register early for the best selection.

All courses to be held in Switzerland. Parents submitting early bird registrations will receive a bottle of wine and tickets to their local cinema.  Parents may not call, text, or Skype during camp.

2 comments:

  1. Love it!
    Iur camp would also include the banning of the phrase: what's for breakfast? Especially when asked after 11 am.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think the course needs a therapy session on noticing more than one person is in the room

    ReplyDelete

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